July 22,2011- my reading

I've been suffering with a migraine for 3 days and it is not letting up.  It happens once every several months where nothing seems to work until I hibernate into the dark and in silence.  With a toddler that is out of the question.  I ride it out until mother earth says she wants to send out rain our way, then can I have some relief.  It's frustrating because I can't function at the work place in front of a computer all day with customers bitching and complaining.  The weasel suggests to pay attention and observe your feelings and body.  Listen to what is happening to your body inside.  I have to get my migraines checked out.  This also signifies my menstrual cycle.  The ultra sounds that I have been getting all this month are indicating that I am not ovulating. They don't see any follicles at all.  But it's weird because in my blood work it indicates that my temperature rises at each visit which is an indicator that ovulation is about to take place.  I also get thicker mucus around the 17 and 18th of every month which also indicates ovulation.   It's all so frustrating.   To top it all off, I was sent to get a 3D ultra sound because the doctor was having a hard time seeing my left ovary.  I went to get my blood drawn for this visit and the nurse says to me" you are so calm".  I said to her "why are you asking?".  She said to me that there are so many women that come in here and are stressed and that it shows  on the expression of their faces and their body language.  I advised her that I already have a daughter and that this is my attempt to have a second child.  I'm calmer and not as stressed because I am going in with the attitude: of if it happens it will happen and if it doesn't I already have one.  She said" you have a great attitude!".  I know what these women have gone though and I was in their shoes too when I was trying for my first.  I understand how badly and stressful all this can be. You feel all alone and think that no one else understands you.  How some cultures put pressure on the woman to try to conceive.  Just  stop stressing, find a hobby that will divert your attention else where.  I found knitting and crocheting to be a relaxing hobby that I still do today.

  The rattlesnake tells us that the experiences that you're presently going through are an initiation into fulfilling your purpose as a healer.  Again I am here to share my story and help other women realize that they are not alone.  There is help and hope only if you are willing to work for what you desire.  The old saying "Where there is a will there is a way".  After my 3D ultra sound I met with another nurse who did not speak english that well and I had questions for her that she could not explain well.  I was upset because she kept saying to me: "you have to wait for Dr. Micheal on your review appointment."  I told her that my appointment isn't until a month from now and I can't wait that long.  I left upset with her because she said I had no eggs and I have nothing but a cyst.  Thoughts were going in my head of why am I waisting my time then and putting myself through this pain and poking around with my private parts if I have no eggs?  Then I called another nurse that I have known for 5 years now and asked her to explain my 3D ultra sound because there was a language barrier with the last nurse.  She told me that I do have lots of eggs but my ovaries are not allowing me to ovulate properly.  We know that I can get pregnant because I already have one child through this treatment.  All I need is to have my doctor prescribe medications that will help me ovulate properly.  Basically my brain is ovulating but my ovaries are not releasing any eggs from the sack.  Thank you PCOS for that.

  The ELK states stand tall and maintain your dignity no matter what, and others will treat you with respect that you deserve.  I no longer have to hide my feelings and be ashamed of my body and how dysfunctional it is.  I'm thankful that I didn't sit here feeling sorry for myself and took action on my own.  My own family would say: "so you don't have kids...enjoy your life and travel the world", " you don't have the burden or responsibility that a child brings with them".   What they failed to mention is the laughter, love and joy a child brings into your life.  Never a dull moment.

  We are done my investigative cycle monitoring this month.  We see Dr Micheal on August 23rd, 2011. He will then review my investigative reports from all the blood work and ultra sounds and then put me on a drug cocktail that will get me pregnant.  We will have to under go IUI treatment. At least I can look at my children and say I really,really wanted you because I worked hard for you.  That you are my miracle babies and you are loved.

the room- Yikes!

  I call this "the room".  This is where you walk in and have your external and internal ultra sound done.  It's the size of a walk in closet with a medical bed and stirrups and the ultra sound machine beside it.    The room has been enhanced to brighten it so you can see what the room looks like.  There is also to the bottom right( not shown in the picture) a study lamb that allows some sort of light in the room.  You can't see the "wand of pain" The apparatus that is used for internal examinations, but it looks like a long skinny dildo. Sorry for the visual people. The computer screen is where you can see in black and white inside your body.  The computer also prints out still images of the internal organs and such.  I thought I would share this with you and get a taste of what I see when I go in for monitoring.

Reading for me: How is my Fertility treatments coming along?

Today I'm working with Dr Steven D Farmer Earth Magic Oracle cards ( my favourite) and Doreen Virtue Healing with the angels Oracle Cards

The question I asked myself was: How is my fertility Treatments coming along?  

  I want to clear something that has been bothering me lately.   I am doing this to help others understand the difficulty in which woman like myself have in becoming pregnant due to PCOS.  I really don't care that people may talk behind my back or snicker and make stupid remarks.  I am here to educate all of you that are going through the same symptoms, letting you know that this is common and you are not alone and those of you that are ignorant because behaving in this fashion is called ignorance and uneducated.  It's funny, when I ask the question the study card came through.  I get some questions from my family: Aren't you embarrassed to tell people these things?  Why am I supposed to be embarrassed!  I'm not doing anything to be embarrassed about.  This is something that God has given me and I am challenging it for my better good.  I can either sit here and feel sorry for myself and be childless or take action and have my own dream family.

  The card study to me means to educate myself on PCOS and infertility treatments so I can pass along my learnings to all of you.  Educate myself on different PCOS treatments and find alternatives to drug taking.  If I have any questions about this condition and infertility is to ask my doctor or nurse at the clinic even if the question sounds stupid to me.  For example:  Yesterday July 13,2011, I went in for cycle monitoring where they did another internal ultra sound that left me in tremendous pain including today. I asked the ultra sound tech if she sees any eggs that are about to drop from my ovaries...she said no there are no eggs that are going to drop, but you have a large 4 cm cyst on your right ovary.  I left it at that.  When the nurse called me into discuss my visit, I asked her if it was still possible for a woman to have a period even though there are no eggs or egg that passes through the fallopian tube into the uterus?  She said yes.  I had no idea.  Apparently the period is the shedding of the uterus walls and if there is no sign of an egg, the uterus sheds the old uterus resulting in a period.  My periods are painful due to the cyst on my right ovary that fails to pop out.  See, I am continuously educating myself with this fabulous body of mine ( Sarcasm People).

  Dance/ Celebration Card- I'm feeling as if I need to celebrate my body and who I am as a woman.  A woman who will fight for my rights and for my dreams.  Celebrate the fact that I can use my anger, knowledge and use it in a positive way of expressing myself through this blog.  I also feel and know  that PCOS is hereditary on my mothers side.  My mom and I were talking about this the other day.  How she suffered from cysts and had a very hard time with conceiving my brother and I.  It took her 4 years to have my brother and 4 after him to have me with a miscarriage in between.    I've learnt through all this to stop and listen to some music and that life is not all about money and working, but to celebrate with loved ones and to celebrate you as a person and accept yourself and love yourself before you can go on and love another human being.

Reading for me: Monday, July 4h,2011

Today I went to the fertility clinic in Bolton, Ontario.  I got there for 8:30 am this morning and had a full Blatter that took 5 times to pee out. LOL!  Thought I would share that with you.  I walk into the office on the second floor and no one was there but me this morning.  I went into the lab section and had my blood drawn. This time they only took 1 vial which left my arm bruised from my tiny veins.   I then went into the ultra sound room where I had to remove my under garments and proceeded to lay down on the doctors table and place my feet in the stirrups. The room was darkened a bit so the ultra sound tech could see her monitor better.  As I was laying down she placed cold gel on her instrument and placed it on my belly to look inside my lower abdominal area.  I had to go empty my bladder a few times because she couldn't quite make out my ovaries.  After the external examination we had to do the internal ultra sound.  This my friends was  so uncomfortable that at times I wanted to cry out due to the pain.  The tech was gentle, but probing internally and poking at my ovaries was not a pleasant journey.  Especially when you are on your 3 rd day of bleeding (menstrual cycle). I asked the tech why they have to do this.  She stated that this was to check that the uterus has no damage from the c-section I received 4 year ago, measure my ovaries  and to see how many eggs there are.  After this internal exam, I know exactly where my ovaries are.  After this examination that took about 20 minutes, I went to see the nurse at the nurses station.  She then walked me through the procedures.   I have to come again for an ultra sound on the 9th day of my menstrual cycle to see when my ovulation will be.  I then asked her if I would be on the Metformin and Famera drugs that would help me ovulate.  She said that my doctor did not prescribe any drugs for now because I have been getting my period regularly.  He wants us to map out the ovulation and then he will tell us when to have intercourse. I also have to do a gel testing where they inject me with gel liquid and see if there are any blockages in my uterus or fallopian tubes.  This is because my husband and I have not gotten pregnant on our own even though my cycle is regular.  My husband as well has to do a semen analysis test to see if his sperm count has changed or is good enough.  

  This card represents the tower in the traditional tarot card deck.  In away my life was disrupted today by the poking and uncomfortable probing.  I have to drive over an hour to get to the clinic which starts my day earlier than it should.  This process of fertility is making me stronger and more educated in the area.  It helps me educate others to appreciate their children more, because some of us women have to suffer to have children.  In the future I will look back at this process and thank God for the teachings of being a strong woman and going after what is rightfully mine. That I didn't sit here in a 10 year marriage and say if it's meant to happen it will happen.  No, I made it happen. I knew my body and I knew there was something wrong.  If you don't do things for yourself no one will do it for you.  "I have every right to be a mother even if it takes me longer and harder to achieve"  That's what I keep telling myself and it helps. All you women with PCOS, don't take NO for an answer...It is possible to be a mommy.

My reading: July 3rd: will I be pregnant?

Wow! I couldn't believe the card that popped out for me when I asked this question: Will I get pregnant?  This is usually the star card in the regular tarot and in the psychic tarot by John Holland it's the Hope Card. It says, know that a special wish you've made may be fulfilled in time.  It is also Hope: That impossible can indeed become the possible.  Being told in the past that I can't conceive children.  You may not be able to have a second child.  What you believe can be possible will in fact come true.  The law of attraction.  Hope and trust in everything that you do and your dreams will come true.  Also by sharing my experience of infertility on here, I can help someone who may be going through this as well and see that they too are not alone.  That conceiving a child is possible if you have faith.  This was a great card for me today, since I called the fertility clinic to inform them of my first day of my menstrual cycle. I have to call on the first day and then I get booked for my ultra sound with a full Blatter and blood tests that will monitor my ovulation pattern.  So I am thinking positive that this month is the month that I get pregnant. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Reading for K.D: What does the future hold?

Reading done from top left to right. Then bottom Left to right

1. Past (Suffering in Silence) 

You were alone, depressed, wanting companionship, lost, very confused and hazy about your future and your life.  No one to turn to, to talk about how you felt inside.  It's not your personality to be flamboyant and loud.  You chose to be introverted.  You Hated God for a long time.  You must realize that you are the one who is in the drivers seat and can change your life and learn to let go of your pain. Just ask someone for help.  

2. Present (Throat Chakra)

This card is about your throat area.  Your vocal chords.  If you have something to say "Just Say it".  Voice your opinion and don't care how others see you, because really they have issues themselves.  Like in Card #1,You don't want to go back to being alone.  Speak up and tell people how you really feel.  Stop shying away or putting yourself down thinking your opinion doesn't matter.  This will relieve some mental stress.   You will also feel empowered and better about yourself.  You also need to express your creative side more.  

3. Present ( Patience)

This card is exactly what it says.  I don't feel that it is towards others, but towards yourself.  You need to be patient with your life.  Have some self control over your health, eating habits, feelings or family.  You're a bit spiritual.  You may want to develop this in the future.  I'm getting the feeling of you being in the spiritual sense of following a religious path.  Reach out to people with the same interests and they will open doors for you. Renew your faith in God and faith in yourself will shine.

4. Future (Truth)

You come to a part in your life where you have to choose A or B regarding your career.    You will have a spiritual awakening.  I'm feeling that your path is towards your religion and teaching, preaching or counselling.  Your spirituality is going to shock you.  Take your time deciding if this is really what you want to do, then do it 100%.  Trust your inner voice.

5. Future (Universe)

You will be greatly rewarded for your work.  You will finally find your inner peace and live a fulfilling life.  Everything you dreamed of or worked for is at your reach. It's all up to you to make those changes in yourself.  You will understand that your life was meant to be important in this world. You are a healer and you will also help others through your work to over come what you have over come with yourself and show them the way of a great life with purpose.

Bottom row Left to right

 You in the now

1. The Phoenix

You are the phoenix who starting to come out of the dark place and is ready for some change to occur.  You are slowly coming out from thoughts of failure and are ready for a rebirth.   An end to negative thinking and putting yourself down.  A new job is in the cards for you. Could be the religious focus stated above.  

2. The sun Queen

You have many dreams and goals, but not all of them can be achieved.  The ones that you can't obtain right now put them aside to do later in life.  You are trying to do too much all at once, but you are only one person.  Ask for help.  Make a plan of all the things you want to accomplish and check them off slowly one by one.  

3. The Sacred Union

A new love, relationship will be coming to you soon.  Just be patient and calm.  This is also a card that signifies inner love for thy self.  You will start seeing yourself in a much better light.  Your family, career and dreams will be under control and your heart will be at peace.  

All in all , your reading was all about loving yourself. When you love yourself and feel more positive,  a lot of doors will open;  Like the law of attraction.  

Hope this helps: Please leave a comment about your reading under the testimonials tab.