I've been suffering with a migraine for 3 days and it is not letting up. It happens once every several months where nothing seems to work until I hibernate into the dark and in silence. With a toddler that is out of the question. I ride it out until mother earth says she wants to send out rain our way, then can I have some relief. It's frustrating because I can't function at the work place in front of a computer all day with customers bitching and complaining. The weasel suggests to pay attention and observe your feelings and body. Listen to what is happening to your body inside. I have to get my migraines checked out. This also signifies my menstrual cycle. The ultra sounds that I have been getting all this month are indicating that I am not ovulating. They don't see any follicles at all. But it's weird because in my blood work it indicates that my temperature rises at each visit which is an indicator that ovulation is about to take place. I also get thicker mucus around the 17 and 18th of every month which also indicates ovulation. It's all so frustrating. To top it all off, I was sent to get a 3D ultra sound because the doctor was having a hard time seeing my left ovary. I went to get my blood drawn for this visit and the nurse says to me" you are so calm". I said to her "why are you asking?". She said to me that there are so many women that come in here and are stressed and that it shows on the expression of their faces and their body language. I advised her that I already have a daughter and that this is my attempt to have a second child. I'm calmer and not as stressed because I am going in with the attitude: of if it happens it will happen and if it doesn't I already have one. She said" you have a great attitude!". I know what these women have gone though and I was in their shoes too when I was trying for my first. I understand how badly and stressful all this can be. You feel all alone and think that no one else understands you. How some cultures put pressure on the woman to try to conceive. Just stop stressing, find a hobby that will divert your attention else where. I found knitting and crocheting to be a relaxing hobby that I still do today.
The rattlesnake tells us that the experiences that you're presently going through are an initiation into fulfilling your purpose as a healer. Again I am here to share my story and help other women realize that they are not alone. There is help and hope only if you are willing to work for what you desire. The old saying "Where there is a will there is a way". After my 3D ultra sound I met with another nurse who did not speak english that well and I had questions for her that she could not explain well. I was upset because she kept saying to me: "you have to wait for Dr. Micheal on your review appointment." I told her that my appointment isn't until a month from now and I can't wait that long. I left upset with her because she said I had no eggs and I have nothing but a cyst. Thoughts were going in my head of why am I waisting my time then and putting myself through this pain and poking around with my private parts if I have no eggs? Then I called another nurse that I have known for 5 years now and asked her to explain my 3D ultra sound because there was a language barrier with the last nurse. She told me that I do have lots of eggs but my ovaries are not allowing me to ovulate properly. We know that I can get pregnant because I already have one child through this treatment. All I need is to have my doctor prescribe medications that will help me ovulate properly. Basically my brain is ovulating but my ovaries are not releasing any eggs from the sack. Thank you PCOS for that.
The ELK states stand tall and maintain your dignity no matter what, and others will treat you with respect that you deserve. I no longer have to hide my feelings and be ashamed of my body and how dysfunctional it is. I'm thankful that I didn't sit here feeling sorry for myself and took action on my own. My own family would say: "so you don't have kids...enjoy your life and travel the world", " you don't have the burden or responsibility that a child brings with them". What they failed to mention is the laughter, love and joy a child brings into your life. Never a dull moment.
We are done my investigative cycle monitoring this month. We see Dr Micheal on August 23rd, 2011. He will then review my investigative reports from all the blood work and ultra sounds and then put me on a drug cocktail that will get me pregnant. We will have to under go IUI treatment. At least I can look at my children and say I really,really wanted you because I worked hard for you. That you are my miracle babies and you are loved.
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